Things that you swore you would never do as a parent ... before you became one

Before you became a parent, you have so many principles. Boundaries. A vision of raising your little ones with calm, cool wisdom

By now you probably know, parenting is less about lofty ideals and more about survival. So, here’s a list of things most ‘pre children’ people (me) swore they would never do… and now probably do every single day (once again, I am talking about me).

So much bribery

“I’ll never bribe my kids,” I once said, like someone who had never tried to leave the house with a three-year-old wearing socks on their hands and no pants.

These days, I barter like a dodgy market stall vendor.

“You eat three bites of broccoli, and I’ll give you a Freddo Frog and a pony.”Sometimes you need to negotiated bedtime with whatever you can, just to avoid the screaming. And maybe get a minute to yourself (not guaranteed).

Screen as a babysitter

I had visions of enriching crafts and imaginative play. Montessori-approved everything. Now? The iPad is my co-parent. Bandit is the third adult in our house.

And let me tell you, that animated heeler gets more respect than I do.

Making separate meals

I used to judge the ‘beige food’ crowd. “My kids will eat what we eat,” I declared, while eating spicy Thai at 9pm with wine and zero interruptions.

Now I am just grateful they when they finish a chicken nugget. I will give them literally anything that has a chance to get through to the keeper. A handful of dry pasta? Four grapes? Zero nutrition rice crackers? Pile of grated cheese. Done.

Because I said so…

I thought I’d be the parent who explained everything calmly, encouraging curiosity.

Fast forward to my tenth “But whyyyy?” of the morning, and I’ve snapped:
“BECAUSE I SAID SO.” To be honest it usually leads to a round of “But whyyy do you say so?”
So there is no escape.

Letting them wear what they want

I was adamant my kids would look like adorable Pinterest children in coordinated neutrals.
Now I’m just glad if they’re clothed. We’ve gone to the shops in pyjamas, tutus over trackpants, spider man every day for a week.

Honestly, I admire their confidence.

Hiding from my kids

I used to think hiding in the pantry with a snack was a joke.

Now I have a designated snack-hiding corner and a deep fear of them finding me there.

And guess what? It’s fine. We’re all just doing our best in the chaos.

Pre-kid me might judge. But current me has snacks, coffee, and finally knows all the words to the Paw Patrol theme song. So, its all good.